Parenting

Leeana,

I'm learning so many new things about parenting these last few days as you've now gotten sick, again, unfortunately right after Christmas. You have a 103.1 fever and it's so tough knowing that I'm doing all that I can to help you get better, but you're little body is working hard to get better on its own. I feel like my efforts aren't helping or working as you cry through the baths when we try to lower your temp, or the fever reducer we try to give you, in which you now spit out with a bitter face, or when I wipe your nose and you toss your head from side to side crying. I've rocked you to sleep (when we rarely do that) and as soon as I put you down in your crib, you wake up and fuss or make noises as you can't sleep. I'm so sorry that I can't take this sickness from you, as I would if God allowed. I would give anything to see you no longer sick. 

It's so amazing to know the feeling of being a mom when I'm up all hours of the night with you as you're not sleeping through the night right now. The moments when I want to continue sleeping, I hear your cry and my body somehow gets out of bed to come to your rescue and put you back to sleep so you can continue to get better. It's tough, as I love my sleep, and I'm losing a lot of it! But nothing makes me happier than helping to take care of you in your time of need, and right now you surely need daddy and I!

It breaks my heart to see your joy not there all of the time. Those random smiles are now filled with cries and screams for help. It's so tough to see you scream/cry and shake your fist at me during a diaper change, when usually your laugh, smile, giggle, talk, or sing to me. I want to see you better as I long to see you full of joy all the time. I want you to sleep through the night again, so you don't wake up wondering why you're in pain, but wake up talking to yourself knowing ill be there soon to feed you, reminiscing on the sweet dreams you had the night before. (Plus, I love my sleep!) I can't wait to see you feel better my sweet girl, and as I keep telling you, I do promise to nurse you back to health! I love you precious girl! Keep fighting, as I'm right here holding your little hand through this! 

Love,

Mommy