Parenting

Leeana,

I'm learning so many new things about parenting these last few days as you've now gotten sick, again, unfortunately right after Christmas. You have a 103.1 fever and it's so tough knowing that I'm doing all that I can to help you get better, but you're little body is working hard to get better on its own. I feel like my efforts aren't helping or working as you cry through the baths when we try to lower your temp, or the fever reducer we try to give you, in which you now spit out with a bitter face, or when I wipe your nose and you toss your head from side to side crying. I've rocked you to sleep (when we rarely do that) and as soon as I put you down in your crib, you wake up and fuss or make noises as you can't sleep. I'm so sorry that I can't take this sickness from you, as I would if God allowed. I would give anything to see you no longer sick. 

It's so amazing to know the feeling of being a mom when I'm up all hours of the night with you as you're not sleeping through the night right now. The moments when I want to continue sleeping, I hear your cry and my body somehow gets out of bed to come to your rescue and put you back to sleep so you can continue to get better. It's tough, as I love my sleep, and I'm losing a lot of it! But nothing makes me happier than helping to take care of you in your time of need, and right now you surely need daddy and I!

It breaks my heart to see your joy not there all of the time. Those random smiles are now filled with cries and screams for help. It's so tough to see you scream/cry and shake your fist at me during a diaper change, when usually your laugh, smile, giggle, talk, or sing to me. I want to see you better as I long to see you full of joy all the time. I want you to sleep through the night again, so you don't wake up wondering why you're in pain, but wake up talking to yourself knowing ill be there soon to feed you, reminiscing on the sweet dreams you had the night before. (Plus, I love my sleep!) I can't wait to see you feel better my sweet girl, and as I keep telling you, I do promise to nurse you back to health! I love you precious girl! Keep fighting, as I'm right here holding your little hand through this! 

Love,

Mommy

Month 4!!!

 Wow babygirl, you're 4 months old already!!! Where has time gone?

Look back over the last 4 months to see your growth...

Everyday with you has been so amazing, and I absolutely love watching you grow older and mature in the little areas of life. You continue to impress me with how much you desire to learn and just your ability to take in new things. 

We got to take both of your grandparents (Grammy and Granddaddy) out for their birthdays and then you were reunited with your cousin Lucy and Aunt Jess who were off in London.

You've been so amazing with attending 2 weddings in the last 2 weekends (Josh & Marissa as well as Kristen & Dustin's) and you did great! Here are some pics below of you hanging at your Aunt Kristen's bridal shower.

You had your first Thanksgiving, and did amazing through your first musical at Toby's Dinner Theater (Miracle of 34th Street) and you made it all the way through until the last 10 minutes (after 4 hours of being amazing!!! Way to go baby girl!

I can't believe that as of tomorrow, I've been home for 1 month with you already! It's been the greatest month spending my days with you! My sweet girl, I love watching you grow! Here are some of your highlights through your last month of life:

-your eyes seem to be turning brown, and you've grown so much of your hair back in

-you always want to hold up your head all of the time, and it's quite impressive

-you love when I hold you like an airplane and give me the biggest smiles

-you love for daddy and I to hold your forearms and help you sit up

-since accomplishing rolling on your side, you absolutely love to be on your sides now just holding those little toes of yours

-you love to be on your tummy (you used to fuss the whole time, now your a pro, especially holding up your head)

-you're able to hold your bottle now, although you sometimes let go, but you get a good grip and hold on tight

-you've rolled over once already from your belly to back

-you've finally found your feet, and now I usually find them in your mouth

-you LOVE pulling your socks off.. But it takes you some work to do it

-you keep giggle a lot more now and my goodness it's worth working for those giggles!

-you love to stare at yourself in the mirror

-you smile at anyone and everything

-you seem to make everyone smile back at you

-your very alert and great at focusing on things 

-you've learned how to grab things that are in front of you

-you smile after you sneeze

-you smile soooo big when I kiss on your neck- so adorable!

-you're a drooling fanatic, since you're teething a bit early

-you've really begun to start grunting

-you really love to be swaddled when you go to sleep, which I know will be tough soon as we have to try and transition you out

-you've really learned to hold your pacifier in your mouth and it's impressive to not see you spit it out every other minute

-your mouth seems to be a fun spot for you to store things, such as feet, socks, toys, and your whole HAND of course (silly girl)

holding your own bottle - 11/11/13

hanging with daddy at church

You love your feet - 11/29/13

first roll to your side - 11/8/13

What an amazing month of accomplishments that you've had! So proud of every step that you take closer to being a big girl! I love you sweetheart and look forward to your next month of growth! MWAH!

3 months!!!!!

Leeana Eva,

   You're already 3 months old! Hold up baby girl! Slow down your growing, and please let me just enjoy you getting older! It's amazing how much you've grown over the last 3 months! My new favorites are your constant smile (with those cute dimples), your giggles and laughs when daddy and I talk to you, how you've begun to hold onto things into those tiny hands, how you really are aware of your surroundings and love to stare, the amazing sleep that you get and how you still can go anywhere with us and have a great time! Here are some pics to prove how amazing you are:

Smiling at daddy as we shop for you!

Napping on daddy

Napping during playtime

You're so alert and attentive when I play with you

You always make cute faces when I wake you up, and get in tons of stretches!

You went on our 4 year anniversary date, and did great!

Can't wait for you to learn how to kiss us back!

Can't get enough of your expressions!

   You're now in your harness just at night, so we can put on pants (with the cute things on the bottom) and put on all the fun onesies which your harness used to cover up! Oh it's going to be fun dressing you! You're still and incredible little sleeper (which you slept 9 hours straight last night, ate and went right back to sleep!!!) You make me so proud and happy!

You finally can show off this from Samara! 

You got to watch your first Redskins game on 11/3/13 - and they WON! :)

You were even in your first video recently in daddy's rap group, Christcentric! (The Jude Injunction - Enoch's Prophesy) You're such a cutie pie!! You love music just like daddy and I, although you're not sure why I put headphones on you :)

You've begun to do a lot more playing and your new things are your bouncy seat and playmat. You do great with tummy time when you're on the pillow from your playmat, and you love to look at yourself in the mirror on your bouncy seat. It's so much fun watching you try so many new things, and seeing how well you do with those new experiences.

I love you babygirl! I look forward to a new month with you, and getting to be home with you in just 2 more days (11/7/13) and getting to start seeing everything that you do! We're going to have tons of fun babygirl! MWAH! 

Love you,

Mommy

Staying at home...

So for those who are currently unaware, as of November 7, 2013 I'll officially be a stay at home mom & wife! Boy, am I super excited! This is something that I've dreamed of doing, and yet my wonderful husband has officially made my dreams come true. Thank you Carlos for working hard and providing for our family! You're a wonderful husband and doing a great job in your role as the head of our marriage. So thankful that God blessed me with you over 8 years ago, and yet we never imagined we would be where we are today, and now I couldn't imagine being anywhere else! I'm so glad that you're mine and so wonderful! Thank you hunny!

I'm truly looking forward to spending my days with my sweet little girl, Leeana, and watching her grow. I look forward to raising her, and teaching her so much as she learns about this world that we live in. I look forward to teaching her about the Bible, praying with her and for her, singing with her, teaching her colors, shapes, numbers, etc. I look forward to watching her learn to crawl and walk, and see how she progresses in the years to come. She's almost 3 months old and she's growing so much already! The fun is really about to begin soon!

As much as I've enjoyed my job over the last (almost) 4 years, I'll definitely remember the memories, the MANY laughs we've had, the jokes, the cries (from time to time), etc. with my awesome coworkers. I'm so thankful for the job opportunity that God gave me when I applied for the position. I never expected that I would start as a receptionist and work my way to be with the ladies I ended up with. I started here just needing somewhere to work since I had just gotten married and the lost my job 3 weeks later. This place hasn't always been easy, but the ladies I'm with have made it the greatest job I've had. They've made me laugh (many times), kept me informed about life/world, helped me when I needed it, given me advice, showed me different routes to drive to avoid traffic (thanks Pati & Debbie), etc. It's overall been an amazing 4 years with these ladies and I'm going to miss them tremendously all the time. Thankfully, I'll be back to visit as they've impacted my life a lot and seen me since I first got married, to now being a mom. Love you ladies!!! 

However, I'm so glad that my days of counting down the minutes until I can leave and go kiss my little girl, will be over. Only a few more days babygirl, and then it's you and me all the time! :) Love you sweetheart! 

2 months... ALREADY!?!?!

Leeana Eva,

Wow 2 months old already?!?! Where has the time gone too!!! I'm freaking out just knowing that you're growing up so fast! You're really an amazing baby and I love getting to see you grow. You're always smiling, especially right after you've been fed or when you're laying on your changing table. Daddy says you take after me when it comes to your changing table, because you get happy about getting clean! :) 

10/2/13 - changing table fun

You've recently really gotten into talking and I love hearing about your day when you begin to chat with me. Your sweet "words" are just the cutest thing to hear. You get so interested to tell us EVERYTHING on your mind, and then all the sudden you're done. I love hearing you trying to talk like daddy & I because it shows how attentive that you are. You get that trait from me too, as I'm known to be quite a talker. You have such joy that you make your daddy and I always laugh! 

Your vision seems to be getting really amazing, as you tend to stare REALLY hard at the lights on the ceiling. You're amazing at tracking people as they move past you, which is so wonderful because that means you're starting to not just notice people by their voice but the person themselves. You've even turned and looked at daddy once when he called you by name. How amazing! 

You're currently in a body harness as we found out that you have hip dysplasia because you were breech. You don't seem to care one bit because you still are quite an active little mover. Thankfully it's temporary (you only need it for 6-8 weeks.. which we find out in another 2 weeks when you get to take it off) so that your hips can be corrected and in the proper place so that you won't have trouble walking or with severe arthritis when you get older. Praise God for the amazing things that the doctors now know to help babies correct things like this. You're doing absolutely amazing with your strong neck as the harness has given you great support and you love to sit there and hold your head up! Sometimes you'll even fuss when you're laying down because you want me to put you on my lap so you can hold your head up! What a strong & determined baby you are, to want to learn this skill so fast! You haven't seem to lose a smile once in your little harness, but make it look extra cute! Here's some proof...

Passed out with your great-granddaddy & smiling!!

Hanging with Paw-Paw and your granddad. Even took a nap on your granddaddy!

Just hanging out with your great-grandmommy!

We also got to hang out with your buddy Griffin and his mommy Ellen recently! We went on a fun walk and you got to hang out (literally) in your awesome little baby carrier! You enjoyed it as Ellen and I took you and Griffin on a nice walk. You began falling asleep after about the 3rd lap. Daddy got to put you in the harness later that same night as we took you to our favorite place to shop.. Trader Joes (TJ's) and you were hanging out in your harness.. you seemed to be very comfortable! The good thing is it helps your hips too, as it positions them in the correct place, so that was a bonus!

Hanging with Griffin

You got to even bust a move or two (ok, so daddy was doing that more than you were) at your Tia Caroline's surprise 50th birthday party! Everyone loved getting to hold you because you went from person to person and just did an amazing job! So proud of your sweetheart! 

Dancing with daddy

What a great little trooper you are, just hanging out with me no matter where I take you. You always impress me with how amazing that you are and just going along wherever I go! Leeana Eva you make me the happiest mama in the world! You're just such an amazing baby and the amount of compliments that I hear about you shock me! People seem to really love you and it's beautiful to see others share the love that your daddy and I have for you! You truly fill our hearts with so much joy! I look forward to the upcoming 3rd month of your life, but then I'm sad that you keep growing up so much.. so please don't rush this next month. I feel like your life is flying by me and yet I don't have enough time to enjoy the little moments. 

I love you my sweet smiling girl! I look forward to your newest accomplishments in the upcoming weeks and can't wait to take many pictures of what you do! 

My little model...

6 weeks old pictures...

Somehow throughout the process of taking these pictures, you handled yourself SOOO well and were so calm. Right at the end you got cranky, because you didn't want to take a nap... but it's okay because your Grammy was quite impressed with how well you did after not sleeping for almost 5 hours! My baby girl is a trooper! 

Letter to Leeana... (1 month old)

You've grown up so fast within the last month that it has flown by so fast! The first two weeks were non-stop feedings every 3 hours, which were tiring. It was amazing having your daddy home with us those first two weeks and I know we both miss him being home with us full time now. It's been amazing spending my days with you as I love watching you play as you kick your legs and flail your arms around. You're learning your amazing motor skills an watching you grow is incredible! We just started tummy time with you and you've begun sucking your hand (so I have to keep your hand out) and you turn your head maybe once or twice and then yesterday you fell asleep. You've begun sitting up and leaning on your boppy although you like to do that for only a few minutes before you want to get out of it. 

You're probably one of the happiest babies I've ever met. I love that you have accepted the fun filled life that you live, as I've heard some babies don't always nap in different places or take new situations well... But we've started you off from the beginning and you handle every new place perfectly. The moment you were born, we've been passing you around to get used to being in everyone's arms and yet you're either sleeping or alert and staring at people, happily. Besides your growth spurts, the only times you really cry is when your hungry, want to be changed (and even sometimes then you won't cry), or you're tired and want to be held. I love watching you sleep in your bassinet next to me, but I know soon we will have to move you onto your own bedroom and into your crib. I don't want to see you leave our room as I love having you next to me, but I know it's about that time. 

It's so funny the comments people say about you. I've been stopped in the grocery store to comment how perfect your head was, and now I'm thinking you wanted to be a c-section baby all along so you could have the perfect head.. Only joking! But everyone comments how amazing of a baby you are! You continue to make me smile as you prove to me that you handle going anywhere I go, with ease. In your first month you've been to a concert (Evangel performed, which you heard in the womb), you went to Anna's baby shower, for your cousin Paisley and met some family, you went to your abuelas house for Labor Day and spent time with family, you went to a Parlette party at the Ogles as we celebrated your Aunt April and Uncle Jon returning to meet you and your cousin Lucy, you've also met sooooo many family members and new friends. Wow your first month of life has been packed with so much, almost everyday! So much is coming up in the next few months, that it's going to fly by... So keep smiling as I take tons of pictures! 

What I love about you:

-love how we can take you out and your such a great sleeper

-love when you stiffen your legs when I change your diapers

-love your little coos as you sleep

-love that you giggle when you sleep, although I wish I could laugh at the joke with you (in fact you're giggling as I write this... PLEASE let me join in... Maybe one day)

-love that you're a great sleeper and that you typically have been sleeping 6-7 hours straight already and are putting yourself on a schedule, which you definitely got that from me babygirl

-love the little grunts that you do all throughout the day while I change your diaper, when you fall asleep, when you lay on my chest and aren't doing anything

-love getting to nurse you as you always have one hand curled up by your head and the other just resting on me, as our bond grows stronger 

-love when I hold you and you fall asleep as I pat/rub your back after a feeding

-love that when you wake up you don't begin to cry and scream but you move around and make little coos (maybe you're starting to figure out talking?) waiting for me to pick you up and feed you. 

-love every smile that you have on your face

-love how much you needs me to take care of your eating for you

-love how photogenic you are and how every time I pull out a camera you start smiling (ill say she got that from me)

-love that you always do an amazing job when we take you out (she's enhanced our life)

-love changing your outfits and seeing how cute you are in the next one 

What I hate:

-hate that you're growing up so fast and that I don't want to miss a moment of your life as you grow up 

Leeana, you've forever changed your daddy and my lives forever. We absolutely would give our lives just for the sake of yours. We adore everything about you and can't wait to learn more about you as you grow up. We pray for your salvation in hopes that you will come to know Christ one day. I pray that I can do my role as your mom as biblically as possible (Titus 2) and raise you up properly. I've been praying for your future husband, as I see your little fingers knowing that one day some man will want to put a ring on your finger and make you his wife. I pray that you seek to find a man like your daddy who will truly seek to do what is best for your family, place you as a priority, is wise with finances, love you as his wife by being faithful to you, taking his role as your husband seriously in leadership and teaching you the scriptures, and so much more. Look at your daddy as the greatest man that you'll ever know, as he will show you the man to look for. He truly is amazing, and I hope you find a husband just as wonderful as mine! 

Sweetheart, we love you more than you'll ever know, and everyday that love continues to grow. Thank you for being our little munchkin and always making us smile!

Ultimately I LOVE being your mom! You've given my the 2nd greatest job (being a wife to your daddy is #1) and I wouldn't trade a stinky diaper, a tough growth spurt, a rough night of sleep to trade you for the world! You've truly completed our little family Leeana Eva! We love you!

The Birth of Leeana Eva

Sunday August 4th, 2013:

I woke up that morning tired and worn out and just 1 day away from being 41 weeks pregnant. Boy was I uncomfortable! My body was just so tired and having an extra 40lbs on it was definitely getting tough. I ended up staying home from church that day and decided to sleep in, well besides waking up every other hour to run to the bathroom.

Finally after waking up I received some motivating texts to get up and get moving. I began my quick walks up and down my steps to get labor starting. After 30+ times going up and down my steps, I was worn out. (No I didn't do the 30+ times all in 1 time... I could only handle about 6 at a time.) Once Carlos got home from church, I was motivated to keep going... so we went to the basement and got the treadmill in place and I walked for 2 miles. Carlos was behind me reading a book as I watched some Cake Boss on Netflix to help time pass by quickly. Man, did that 2 miles feel like forever! I kept having to pause a few times for the Braxton Hicks that continued to happen.

Later on that night we decided to run out to grab dinner, and of course with random cravings, we ran to Safeway to pick up some additional food. I wanted croissants, and Carlos wanted Red velvet cupcakes (he's been addicted to red velvet lately). We went home and after eating all of our food, we decided to head upstairs and go off to bed. While sitting there I realized that the Braxton Hicks I had been feeling all day, were no longer Braxton Hicks, but my body was actually contracting. Around 10pm we began to keep track of contractions!!! Oh yes, the moment we've been waiting for was finally here!!!! 

Contractions began to come about every 7-10 minutes so we decided to call the midwife on call and ask her what to do. Since babygirl was still breech I knew I would have to have a c-section. She informed me to drink tons of water, take a warm bath, and then get into bed to have a nice night of sleep. They wanted my contractions to slow down, since it hadn't been 8 hours since I late ate (and with a c-section it's best to come on an empty stomach so you won't have acid go into your lungs) and also then I could get some rest. 

Monday August 5th, 2013:

I slept maybe about 6 solid hours, well in between the bathroom breaks throughout the night. I was too excited knowing that today would be the day that we meet our little girl. I knew with contractions, what I needed to do to get them to continue to be consistent (by now they were between 15-25 minutes apart), so after waking up and packing our bags, I began pacing back and forth in our bedroom to get things moving. With each contraction, I would tell Carlos one was starting and he would begin to time it, as I would lay on the bed fully relaxing my body. He would stay quiet and make sure I was relaxed, and if he saw me tensing up, he would remind me to relax that part of my body. This continued for about an hour and a half and he did awesome helping me out! "Done!" One more contraction down, and just a little closer to holding our little girl. As things got more intense, I would continue to pray through the contractions knowing that as much as I might want to tense up, that I needed to stay relaxed. Things sped up quickly and around 11:30am they were 5 minutes apart!!! We made the call to midwife and they told us to come in. 

By 12pm we were OFF to the hospital!!! The dogs were put away, our bags were in the car, and we said farewell to our neighbor as she got excited when she saw us head to the car. Ouch, another contraction hit! Wow, it wasn't easy, but Carlos continued to help me through each contraction. Timing them, and reminding me to relax. 

We parked at the hospital and walked in and went off to Labor and Delivery. We checked in and sat down. More and more contractions hit and I would lean on Carlos as he timed them, and helped me to relax. Finally we were checked into triage where they checked me and had a monitor on me to keep track of baby and her heart rate and asked me tons of questions. Pause, another contraction! I had to lay still and silent as I handled these ones throughout the questions. By this time 8 family members were in the waiting room and it was only about 1:30pm. People wanted to come in and see us, but we could only have 1 person in there with me.. so of course I wanted my hubby with me to help me out and keep me calm throughout the contractions. 

Finally we had the news that yes, she was still breech, so they had to fit us in between other c-sections. I was only 3cm dilated and my contractions were slowing down a bit (7-15 minutes apart) since I was laying down. The only available time would be 4:30 that they could get us in, UNLESS another mom in labor needed to have an emergency c-section. So we began to prepare knowing that we were going to be waiting in this tiny room until the c-section would happen. Carlos ran out to grab some food, and my mom, dad, and sister all took turns coming in to see me, praying with me, and saying hello. 

4pm hit and Carlos was back, and was getting dressed in the scrubs so we could go in for surgery! YES!!! Not much longer until we would be meeting our baby girl! Phew, the time was coming to an end of having this head butting baby push my ribs around, and to finally hold her and kiss her.

4:30pm came and we were walking to go into the O.R. for surgery! YES!!! I was a little anxious, but thanks to Ellen preparing me the week before for what would happen, I wasn't scared, I was ready! This moment is what we've been waiting for the last 9 months!!! We didn't expect that we would have a baby through a c-section, but this is the way that God allowed this to happen, and we were ready!

I got in the room, sat on the table, and the spinal was in my back 2 minutes later. 10 seconds later, I was already getting numb, and by the time I laid down a minute later I was numb from the stomach down to my toes. Wow that stuff worked fast! Wow, they moved quickly in there, and of course I was joking the whole time with the O.R. group and so that made it easier. Finally a a few minutes passed by and they let Carlos into the room. 

By 4:40pm we were READY to get started! Carlos sat down, and I began to cry. They thought something was wrong with me, but I was so overwhelmed with joy knowing that we were minutes away from holding our little girl. Carlos all the sudden asked me if I heard what song was playing on the radio, and I heard it... "Killing me Softly" by the Fugees. haha of course, I say "I love this song!" and Carlos starts singing it, and the midwife joins in. Lol, while they're cutting me.. this is the song that plays... how exciting! LOL, good thing we joke so much that we laughed about it. 

They finally say that they see her and have her butt out, and of course my little girl begins pooping and peeing, so lady like! Next her legs are out, and then her arms are out, and then her head! Leeana Eva Gonzalez was born at 4:50pm, weighing 7lbs 10oz! Her scream was loud, and wow I was crying like crazy! I couldn't breath because I was crying so much and so excited to hear her!

Carlos was able to go and see her on the table and was so amazed at her. It all happened so fast and minutes later she was brought over to me, and Carlos was holding her while I laid on the table being stitched up. I remember seeing her for the first time and thinking how amazing it was that I helped to create this amazingly beautiful child, and yet I carried her for so long, and now she was outside of my womb and laying on top of me. What just happened?!?! How is this possible? This amazing moment was here and she was alive! Praise God for this gift! 

Once things were done, I remember throwing my hands up saying "Thank you guys, you did a great job!" as I was being rolled out of the room. Oh my goodness! We were now in the recovery room and a lactation consultant came in and Leeana was already eating and doing amazing! This little girl nursed for an hour right away! Wow, I thought I loved her a lot, but this was incredible! So much happened in this tiny room too and then it was time to go to our postpartum room. YES! Finally we were able to see family, and it was after 7pm! Wow time was going by fast! 

Seeing our family was amazing after they waited so many hours to see us and meet the newest addition to the family! It was quite the amazing day and yet it went by so fast! How did the last 41 weeks go by so fast and yet felt like so long. This little girl is the one who we've been waiting to see, and yet she was here! Praise God for finally allowing us to meet our little girl! We were so in love with a precious babygirl!

Thank you to my coach:

Carlos, thank you so much for your love and support throughout this whole time of being pregnant and preparing for the birth of our child. You stuck by me throughout the Bradley classes that we took, and when we found out that she breech, we never once gave up and yet stuck to our birth plan. Although we knew we couldn't have her naturally, you helped me to keep calm and talked to me about the best options, and having your support was the greatest thing! When time came for the contractions, you were so helpful in keeping me calm and reminding me to be relaxed which is just what I needed. The nights in the hospital you would wake up with me to help me feed Leeana, and changed all of her diapers! You really did an amazing job to help me out in my time of need. You've been my rock throughout this pregnancy when the last 2 weeks got tough, you made sure I was as comfortable as possible. You slept in our cold house, so that I would be comfortable, and I'm so sorry for keeping you so cold! You're an amazing husband and now father, which I always knew you would be. You've proved me right when Leeana was born, because you've been so amazing with her, and seeing the love that you have for your daughter melts my heart. Thank you so much for all that you've done my love! I love you more than words can express, and I can't wait for us to have more amazing children together! 

She's a daddys girl already! I can't wait to see how her love for you grows over the upcoming years! She already has you so in love with her, and I know the love you have for her will only grow more and more.